Hot Boyfriend Blog

This post by Jon Swift is awesome.

and finally

My sarcasm meter just exploded.

HB

I wanted to write an attack on Coulter for her use of the f-word (not fuck, but faggot [oops]) to make a joke about John Edwards. I was going to call her something vile and offensive and then say it was just a joke, just a school-yard taunt. I thought and thought and couldn't come up with anything vile and insulting enough to compare to how she so easily insulted all gays with her flip comment. She's good. Finally I realized the exercise was useless and maybe even pointless. I could have called her a bitch, a cunt, or implied she was a transexual, but that would be misogynistic or homophobic in itself.

It's impossible for a minority (gays in this case) to slur someone in the majority (white straights) as easily as they can do the opposite. You see the framing is controlled by them. An insult from them is more powerful simply because they are more powerful. An inflammatory word from them can cause actual physical harm if one of their minions decides faggots need to be taught a lesson. Is it imaginable that if I called her a slur, someone would decide to physically attack a straight, white female and feel justified? No, of course not. But it happens to the "nigger", or the "faggot", or the "kike" all the time. These words aren't just offensive, they are dangerous and irresponsible.

I really wanted to hurt her like she hurt me, but that's just revenge and it's pointless. Do I want to go down to her level? No thanks.

HB

Attorneygate continues to chug along. We all know George and his administration are as guilty as shit is stinky. The only mystery and intrigue is - will they get away with some or all of it (again) this time? They obstructed justice by firing some attorneys that were working on cases against Republicans or that weren't working on enough cases against Democrats. Then they (Gonzales et. al.) obstructed justice further by lying about it. Now they're trying to obstruct justice even more by hiding evidence showing that they obstructed justice. Whew!

It seems there's an 18 day gap in the email and memo records generously supplied to Congress by the White House. The gap starts right after an email wondering if the president needs to be informed of the plan to fire the attorneys. We come back 18 days later with an email saying the decision has been made. Hmm. What could be in those missing docs? In case you're retarded, I'll spell it out....the preznint is implicated in these missing papers. ¿Que? ¿Quien? ¿Donde? That's right, he's the top deciderer in all this.

Reminds me of some other famouse gaps in GOP history. Remember the 18 1/2 minutes mysteriously erased from the Nixon tapes? How about the gaps between Oliver North's teeth as he shredded evidence on the weapons-for-hostages scandal with a smile on his face during the Reagan years? Then there's the gap in time when Gonzales conveniently forgot to tell the pentagon not to destroy evidence on the Plame investigation for several hours - giving them time to ... oh, I don't know - destroy evidence, maybe?

No wonder they don't want high officials like Gonzales and Miers testifying under oath or with any official record. They're going to have to lie or risk getting into deep shit. It's a lot easier to get caught lying when there's an official record of it. And it's a lot easier to convict someone of perjury or obstructing justice when they're under oath. But the preznint thinks we shouldn't get all politicky and formal about this and just let us have us some friendly chats about it to clear the whole sititation up. Like he and the Veep did for the Plamegate scandal. We all know how well that's worked out. They're all just chummy ol' frat boys havin' a good time.

HB

 

 

Shakespeare's Sister gets my wholehearted support as well.  She rocks!

I am Spartacus! 

This is so cool.  I wish I had thought of it.

HB 

Tradition is great!  Everyone knows that.  You keep doing something because you've been doing it already for such a long time, and it's now... traditional!

Who thinks tradition is bad? Nobody, that's who.  It's traditional to have tradition so since traditions are good, Tradition is good (note the capital 'T' denoting Tradition as a proper institution - or something).

Following is a list of some great traditions we have now and have had in the past:

• Giving and receiving gifts for Christmas - or alternatively that Jewish holiday thingy is acceptable as well.
• Not allowing women to vote - still a tradition in some tradition-keeping countries.
• Marrying only within your race - based on something in The Holy Bible, somewhere.
• Hazing new students - it's all in great traditional fun.
• Not allowing blacks to vote - an oldie but goody.
• Saving the top tier of your wedding cake - aww, that's actually kind of a sweet one.
• Throwing rice at a wedding - this is safe for birds, contrary to traditional beliefs.
• Slavery - this one goes waaaay back.
  
• Marriage between one man and one woman - another blessed Holy Tradition.

So there you have it.  How could anyone argue against Tradition?  Tradition is good in and of itself with no further justification or explanation required.  Right?

HB 

George Bush and Co. are trying to raise the obscene amount of $500,000,000 for his Presidential library.  Framing your legacy the Rovian way is hard work after all.  There's not enough actual history to make W. look good, so some will have to be manufactured.  However, there are some books out there already that might fit the library's needs.  I hear W. has started setting up some suggestions for his library. You can see them here.  Be sure and check out his profile and comments as well.

HB

Part 2:  Conflicting Views

In part one, I discussed how the Ted Haggard's environment, especially growing up, may have been an influence on his hypocrisy and delusion.  Now I'd like to look more closely at the Ted Haggard of today. What does he really believe in?  Is he really that bad a person?

Ted Haggard was a big deal (at least before his national disgrace).  He was head of the National Association of Evangelicals which claims to have over 30 million members.  The church he pastored in Colorado Springs has 14,000 members alone. He had contact with the white house in a weekly teleconference.  He advised the current administration on items ranging from religious policy to administrative appointments.

And his advice wasn't always so nice.  He fought against abortion rights and supported anti-gay marriage amendments.  From the amazing and frightening movie Jesus Camp: "We don't have to debate about what we should think about homosexual activity. It's written in the Bible."

On the other hand, he sometimes spoke out on what he believed even when it went against what his evangelical brethren advocated. Some exerpts from the Rocky Mountain News article:

He criticized the White House for emphasizing the evangelical faith of failed nominee Harriet Miers, rather than her judicial philosophy.  He urged Christians to protect Muslims in the days after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, and more recently urged missionary outreach to Muslims, without forcing Christianity on them. Last summer, he joined an eclectic group of 27 religious leaders who ruffled the White House with a statement published in newspaper advertisements urging the government to "abolish torture now - without exception" in dealings with prisoners, including those suspected of terrorist activity. In fact, Haggard has argued almost as frequently for freedom from government intervention as he has freedom of religion. He was one of the few religious conservatives to endorse a 2003 Supreme Court decision striking down Texas' anti-sodomy law on privacy grounds. Haggard's recent efforts promoted through the NAE a "broad biblical agenda" that included improving health care, ending racism and addressing global warming, which he recently declared should be an evangelical priority.

Haggard also seems to feel some remorse for how he's deceived his congregation.  In a letter to his church members, he states: 

I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life. For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.

This reflects not only his regret, but his inner conflict with who he is and what he believes.  There is a deep self-hatred evident in these statements, and signs of inner turmoil.  Living in a lie this big would have to be painful on several levels emotionally, and horribly confusing.

Don't forget he also has a wife and five children that he surely cares about.  The future of his family is tentative at best.

Then there's the "treatment" he will have to endure possibly for years.  This will entail counseling, lie detector tests, and who knows what other types of humiliating "therapy."  His "restoration" will be guided by three prominent men in the evangelical world.  James Dobson was slated to be one of these three, but backed out because of time constraints - at least Haggard has lucked out there.

So don't be too quick to judge Haggard's soul.  Although he unfairly judged many others and led a life of lies, he has suffered his own hell and if and until he is able to reconcile who he is with what he believes, he will continue to suffer.  He is worthy of our disgust, but perhaps worthy of some understanding as well.  Let's not descend to their level of fear and hatred.  And some day....who knows?  Maybe he'll truly reform his ways and be a force for our side - the side of truth, love and acceptance.

[Update, 11/22, 8:56 a.m.] It seems Soulforce has some sympathy for Ted Haggard as well.  They have a page where you can write to Haggard with an understanding and even welcoming message to allow him to hear something other than intolerance.  Go here if you would like to send him such a letter.

HB 

There are several pro-life activists who fight for the rights of fetuses.  Even if you believe that a fetus is not yet a human being, it is still a living organism and has the potential of becoming a human being.  Snuffing out that fetal life brings to a crashing halt any future that may have resulted from allowing a precious new baby to be born.  Imagine.... What if Jesus had been aborted?

Given this irrefutable fact, I would like to further the premise to its unavoidable conclusion - sperm have rights, too!  (As do the eggs women carry for that matter.)  Even though a single cell that makes up a sperm or an ovum is a far cry from being a fully formed human being, there is a potential, living, breathing, soul-carrying man or woman waiting to be born from the union of those two cells. Waste one, you've wasted a life.  After all we are pro-life, not pro-pregnancy or something.  Right?

So, men who jack off are murderers.  Each time a woman has a period, she is witnessing the death of her offspring.  It's irresponsible for anyone not to be engaging in sex furiously at all times.  A spooge not planted squarely in a woman's snatch equals thousands of wasted babies.  This puts the holocaust of the Jews at a distant second to the slaughter of innocent life that goes on every time a man squeezes one out.

I blame women too.  They should be having sex as much as possible to avoid losing one of their eggs to Aunt Flo. How can we as Christians allow this massacre of life to continue?  Forget abortions, forget the morning after pill, forget condoms, and most of all, forget tootling on the skin flute.  How can we say any of these things are acceptable if any one of them is not?  They are in essence all the same heinous and unforgivable sin of murder. 

Let's hear it for number six on the Holy Top 10 -  for the fourth consecutive millennium - "Thou shalt not kill."

HB 

Part 1:  The Pentecostal Revelation

My first impulse is to spit on Ted Haggard and curse him for the hypocrite he is.  He's harmed innocent people and led those who listen to him astray.  Fuck him! and then forget him.  As easy and satisfying as that would be, I realize he's just one viral organism in a plague sweeping our nation.  Evangelism, Religious conservatism - whatever you want to call it - it's injuring our nation and, like a cancer, eating away at the social advances we've made in the last century.

But Haggard's a victim as well as a cause of this disease.  Now, before you roll your eyes and dismiss me as a pussy "librul" who thinks there's good in everyone, and hugs and therapy will fix the world, let me explain.  You see, I was raised Pentecostal, and I'm gay.  In fact, my father owns a Pentecostal church.  So maybe, I can relate a little.  Ya think? (Now, I'm not sure what Ted Haggard's church's exact rules are, I can only relate my own Pentecostal experiences.)

There's massive pressure on Pentecostal Church members to conform to the Pentecostal "standards."  You are expected to separate yourself from the rest of the world, not only in the way you believe, but in the way you act and even the way you look and dress.  It varies among the different branches of Pentecostal church, but in my case, men were required to have short hair but no facial hair.  Men must also wear long sleeved shirts and never wear shorts (elbows and knees are of the devil and cause lustful urges).  No jewelry allowed either.  For some churches, this would preclude wrist watches as well.  And for women, it was even worse:  dresses or skirts only, no pants, and the length must hide the knees.  Long sleeves are required for women also, and no jewelry of any kind.  The hair must never be cut or dyed and is worn up after a certain age, and makeup is not tolerated.  There's no cursing allowed, of course.  And in some families and churches, saying slang words such as "dang" or "heck" is considered a sin.

NO TELEVISION!  You heard me, no TV, or movies for that matter.  If you must, you can have a radio, but you can listen to Christian stations only. Computers seem to be generally accepted, but I'm not sure why.

Church services are looooong.  Go to church at 10am on Sunday and get out at noon.  Go again Sunday night at 7pm and get out at 10pm if you're lucky.  Then the middle-of-the-week service on Wednesday or Thursday from 7pm to whenever as well.  Then there are revivals, church dinners, and special meetings on top of that.  Church is exhausting and a constant part of your life.

The worst part of the services (at least for me, being a painfully shy boy) was the altar call.  This usually happened at the end of the night services when the pastor would go up front and call for anyone who wanted to be saved and receive the Holy Ghost to come up and pray at the altar.  The musicians would play a beautiful, emotional hymn such as "Just As I Am" or "Softly and Tenderly" while the congregation stood and waited.  The pastor would continue his entreaty interspersed perhaps with some speaking in tongues.  Some nights no one would go up.  But usually a few young kids would haltingly step forward and kneel before the altar in front of the pastor and begin praying.  Then the fun would begin...

The elders of the church would gather around the kneeling bodies of the praying youngsters and begin to lay hands upon them and pray with them.  Now this praying is probably not what most of you would be accustomed to.  You see, shouting is encouraged in Pentecostal church.  "YES, LORD!  HELP HIM JESUS!  SAVE HIM FROM SATAN AND HELLFIRE!  Shamalaklah hiyaa comola tee."  (That last part was speaking in tongues, or glossolalia for you uninitiated sinners.)  Then they would encourage the youngster to stand and raise his arms in prayer to God.  Lots of tears and wailing would ensue along with more prayer, shouting and glossolalia.

If you were that youngster (which I was many times) you were supposed to pray until you received the Holy Ghost.  It was supposed to just hit you all of a sudden and you would start shouting and speaking in tongues...

Since I keep bringing it up, perhaps now would be a good time to explain further what "speaking in tongues" means. There are references in the Bible to people receiving the Holy Ghost.  When they do, they speak in tongues as a sign.  It is felt by some Pentecostals that this means God is speaking through that person in a different language.  There can also be interpreters present who can divinely understand what the person is saying and relay that to the crowd.  I saw this "interpretation of tongues" at a service once.  God didn't seem to have anything of much substance to say at the time - at least not according to the interpreter--just the usual "repent, be a good Christian, and pray to Jesus" thing.

...Now we bring you back to the altar session:  At this point, the wailing and shouting escalate.  Worshipers dance and jump around, convulsing and spasming, and sometimes falling to the floor. The person seeking the Holy Ghost continues to pray while standing with arms raised.  If the arms start to fall, a helpful person will usually grab them and lift them back up towards God.  This can go on literally for hours.  It's exhausting and can be strange and alarming for a young person.

If the seeker doesn't start speaking in tongues after a while, a helpful church member might encourage the youngster to open his or her mouth and start making noise.  Just a "la la la" or something like that to "help Jesus speak through you."  Being surrounded by the cacophony of worshipers and music; the sight of people gyrating and crying; the intimate sensation of being touched by many hands; the sheer physical and emotional exhaustion -- who wouldn't start jabbering incoherently? 

At this point, it's easy to convince yourself of just about anything.  This is the Holy Ghost.  I'm not doing this myself.   I believe some people truly think they are speaking in tongues.  Others of course are just faking to get the traumatic experience over with and be accepted by the church and their friends and family.  As you gain confidence and become accustomed to what to do, speaking in tongues becomes more natural and sounds more "believable" - even to yourself.

Now that you have the Holy Ghost and speak in tongues, you belong to a special group.  You're a little superior to those outside your group and you "know" something they don't.  It's a powerful feeling.  On top of this you still dress and behave differently than anyone outside your church.  You don't do things or think like the rest of the world.  You're special - part of an exclusive club that common people just wouldn't understand.  A cult, if you will.  And you're expected to recruit others.

Of course if you don't speak in tongues (as I never did), that means you have failed to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and are still on a path to Hell.  Shame and disappointment are all around along with a huge sense of failure on your part.

It's not trivial to extricate yourself from all this.  You would have to admit to yourself that it's all fake - that you're living a lie and deceiving others.  You can never be completely sure that everyone else is also faking or deceiving themselves (including some of your closest friends, your family, possibly your own mother), and often you may even come to believe that you're not faking yourself.  To walk away and deny the whole Pentecostal experience would be more than embarrassing, it would shake the foundations of your entire life.  It's much, much easier to continue on the same path even when you know in your heart of hearts that you're a hypocrite.

So, when you look at Haggard and want to despise him for the things he's done, think about how his hypocritical lifestyle may have come to be.  Maybe he's not deserving of compassion, but looking at him in a more understanding light might curb our disgust with him as an individual. Forgiveness is not only a Christian value, it's human.  His case is a tough one, but it's something we might want to reflect more deeply on.

HB

This is the first in a series of non-biased comparisons of possible candidates for the 2008 presidency against our current Commander in Chief.  All data is scientifically verified and has an accuracy of +-0.0002%.  Pros are in green, cons are red.  No elephants or donkeys were harmed in the making of this table.

George W. Bush	Pee Wee Herman	SCORE
1. Appearance - 10 pts.
George Bush would be a handsome man by most people.  Other than his strange eyebrows, his propensity to smirk, and his looks of confusion, he has the classic look of a gracefully aging, healthy specimen of white manhood. He also looks a little like a monkey.	Pee Wee is a little weird looking.  He's thin and pale; has strangely reddish lips, ill-fitting clothes, a week chin, slick hair and buggy eyes.	George Bush - 8 pts. Pee Wee 2 pts.  Winner: George Bush
2. Foreign Policy - 20 pts.
George Bush started a war of convenience by using false evidence.  3000 American troops have been killed as well as vast numbers of Iraqis.  The coalition of the Willing has become the Coalition of the Dwindling. He allowed North Korea to develop a nuclear program under his watch.  Polarized the U.N. and the world against the United States of America. English Prime Minister Tony Blair likes him.	Pee Wee Herman dreams of being in the Tour de France.  He also encourages his friend Simone to follow her dream of going to Paris.  He visits Texas which is almost a foreign country and learns some of its history and culture.  He also visits a biker bar and uses diplomacy and the universal language of music to win over the patrons of the bar.	Pee Wee - 15 pts. George Bush - 0.1 pts.  Winner: Pee Wee.
3. Domestic Policy - 20 pts.
Katrina. Deficit. Social Issues. Education. Health. Social Security. Etc. Etc. Infinity.	Pee Wee Herman traveled the country looking for his bike and encountered several cultures throughout the U.S.  He also had his own children's show that was both entertaining and educational for millions of kids.  He was also in a traveling circus where he was exposed to several alternate lifestyles.	Pee Wee - 20 pts. George Bush - -1,000,000 pts.  Winner: Pee Wee
4. Intelligence - 20 pts.
George Bush's daddy got him into Yale where he was a C student. George Bush speaks some Spanish (or Mexican) so that would make him bilingual (if you're not picky and let his version of English count as language).  George Bush often uses phrases and words that don't make sense or are not even in the English language (misunderestimate? - Spellchecker says no).	Pee Wee Herman's educational background is fuzzy at best.  He did however produce a children's show that was both entertaining and educational.  He is undeniably witty, and his humor works on several layers.  Also, he didn't start a war.	From the evidence on the left, this one looks pretty close.  But everyone knows Bush is a moron. Pee Wee - 18 pts. George Bush - 2 pts.  Winner: Pee Wee
5. The "Quote-Off" - 30 pts.
"There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again." "The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." "I would have to ask the questioner. I haven't had a chance to ask the questioners the question they've been questioning."	"It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting..."	George Bush seems to have an endless supply of quotable quotes even though he has yet to make a movie, and he shows no sign of letting up his blathering any time soon.  Pee Wee's quotes are usually intentionally funny, but there's no way he can win against the volume of Bush's stupidisms.  George Bush - 23 pts.  Pee Wee Herman - 7 pts.  Winner George Bush
"Let me finish"	"Shhhhhhhh! I'm trying to use the phone!" "Is this something you can share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?"
"Let me be very clear about this. Steroids ought to be banned from baseball." "First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill." "It's your money. You paid for it." "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."	"I bought this pen one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What's the significance? I don't know!"
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." "I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." 'I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."	"There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand."
"I'm the decider, and I decide what is best." "I'm a patient man. And when I say I'm a patient man, I mean I'm a patient man."	"That's my name, don't wear it out."
"We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make—it would hope—put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." "They can get in line like those who have been here legally and have been working to become a citizenship in a legal manner." "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." "I am mindful of the difference between the executive branch and the legislative branch. I assured all four of these leaders that I know the difference, and that difference is they pass the laws and I execute them." "The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law." "They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."	"Boy, I always thought that was the dumbest law."
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." "And Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."	"Exhibit "Q"! a scale-model of the entire mall! X marks the scene of the crime. These arrows here show the exact position of the sun at the hour of the crime. Jupiter was aligned with Pluto! The moon was in the seventh..."
"My answer is bring them on." "You're either with us or against us in the fight against terror."	"I DON'T want your help! I don't need the police and I DON'T NEED YOU!  I DON'T NEED ANYBODY!" I know you are, but what am I?
"Russia is no longer our enemy and therefore we shouldn't be locked into a Cold War mentality that says we keep the peace by blowing each other up. In my attitude, that's old, that's tired, that's stale."	"Nobody hipped me to that, dude.
6. Merchandising - 50 pts.
		George Bush has a monster P.R. machine.  Who are we kidding here?  He wins hands down - 45 pts.  Pee Wee - 5 pts. Winner: George Bush
And the winner is....		PeeWee Herman

 

HB